The Catalpa

There’s a tree growing in our yard, it’s a catalpa. Every year when winter is coming the gardener cuts it back so that only some strong branches and the trunk are left. When we moved in here some years ago in the end of October I thought “OMG, why are they doing this to that awesome tree?”

When next spring came, the first leaves started to appear on the tree. As the weather got warmer it was like a leave explosion happening to that catalpa. Within a couple of days the leaves were as big as a hand. You could literally watch them grow. In June the whole tree was covered with leaves and they kept growing. The branches started to reach out, covering the whole yard and building sort of a roof to the outdoor staircase.

People walking by keep coming into our backyard, admiring that tree, asking what type of tree it is. I had never seen a tree like that before either. By september the leaves are reaching a size of up to half a meter, and that tree is a pure symbol of strength and power. It is as if it wants to tell us “You can cut me back all you want, as long as I am rooted firmly in the ground, I will grow back and stand even taller next year!” This tree amazes me and it keeps reminding me that no matter how much life is trying to mutilate you, you can grow back and be stronger than ever. This tree is my reminder that life always finds a way, that life goes on. I love this tree.



New Year – new resolutions?

2018 – a new year, new goals, new resolutions? Most of them don’t really last beyond January, statistics say. Dieting, sports to exhaustion, no alcohol, etc. Been there, done that, nearly every year. This year I am not in the mood for it. My new year didn’t start with a “boom here we go!”, and for many people I know it didn’t either. Friends who are in hospital, a family member fighting cancer, challenges in the job, health challenges … So no, I won’t make any of those typical resolutions, because I have learned throughout the past years that many times life just kicks your ass, nullifying all your detailed worked out plans in a heartbeat.

But there is one thing I want to do: I want to try to live the present moment, because in the end that is all we really have. The past is gone, we cannot change it, we cannot bring it back, and the future is not here yet and we can’t control it.

Bildergebnis für mindfulness

Mindfulness – when Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) was first introduced, it was mostly psychologists and psychotherapists who considered it a useful tool in treating depression or burnout. Meanwhile more and more doctors realize that the prescription of pills alone will not heal many diseases, because body, mind and soul have to be seen as an entity and should be treated holistically.

Although I am far from really having mindfulness integrated into my daily life, I realize that if and when I do, I feel better. It doesn’t mean that my life all of a sudden changes to the better, it just means that I am more aware of the good things in my life, more aware of what is going on right now instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Taking small time outs daily to refocus is something I want to do more often in 2018. Focus on the moment and not have my mind cluttered with tons of useless shit all the time.

Bildergebnis für mindfulness

A very good SL friend is some steps ahead on that, and I appreciate having her in my life. She inspires me to being mindful and to having a positive outlook on life despite all the problems and dark clouds on the horizon. Thank you for that, you know who you are! To see you grow and thrive and our hour long talks are truly an inspiration for me many times!

Bildergebnis für you are an inspiration

So, I will start right now, turn off the TV, shut down the PC, and try to let go of all the stupid things on my mind for just a little while. And I will try to fall asleep with a smile on my face, a thankful thought and a positive outlook to the day ahead, the week ahead, the month ahead, the year ahead …

Bildergebnis für mindfulness


Torn between …

Hiking @ North

That feeling of being torn between the different parts of your self. You want to be in company and at the same time you want to be all by yourself. You crave to see the people you care for and at the same time they are too much somehow. You jump back and forth between “alright I can do that” and “ah fuck this!” constantly.

Bildergebnis für mind vs heart

Your heart and your mind seem to be in a constant battle. Your pride throws in a few words, followed by your ego. Your loveable side is whispering in one ear, while your assholish side tries to be heard in your other ear. You remember the story of the two wolves, which one are you going to feed?

Bildergebnis für the two wolves story

emotions on offYou wish there was an On/Off Button for your feelings somewhere. You try to remember how those moments of inner peace felt. But your mind is playing tricks on you. It keeps bringing up exactly those pictures that you don’t want to see at all – in bright colorful CinemaScope of course. You turn on the radio and of course they play that song that totally goes along with your mood and your mindfuck. And you wallow in all your could haves, should haves, would haves …